


Tainted Scars, Tainted Hearts

by OrientalElf



Category: British Actor RPF, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Drama, F/M, Falling In Love, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Heart Break, Kissing, Love, Memories, Romance, Sadness, Smut, envy - Freeform, events, hollywood parties, jelous, premieres
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-04-26 19:17:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5017081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrientalElf/pseuds/OrientalElf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose had only ever loved one person “him”, him who had once saved her life.</p><p>In that one defining memory she remembers their secrets, she remembers their promises and she remembers the image of the young blue eyed boy wiping away her tears as the doctor stitches up a raw wound that would leave her permanetly scarred forever. In a sick twist of fate she is reunited with him again although now there was just one problem - he didn't remember her, in fact he had forgotten her completely. He was no longer the smiling blonde hair boy that had carried her out of the reckage no, instead Rose falls peril to the much changed Hollywood actor they now call, Tom Hiddleston.</p><p>Will she risk revealing her true self to a man who has been changed by sex, money and fame or will she become just a one night stand to spite the dark truth that whatever's in the past should be forgotten?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The only one I had ever loved

**Author's Note:**

> My first real Tom Hiddleston FIC because well...we've all had that one story in our minds :)  
> I hope you enjoy, comments are GREATLY appreciated! 
> 
> *Warnings: Just be prepared to have your heart ripped out a few times (sorry, not sorry)

The door bell rang and suddenly I couldn’t swallow. 

Hot tears seared trails down my face and I shook my head to convince myself this wasn’t some kind of sick dream. My body felt strangely, disturbingly light. The only thing concrete was the phone clutched to my ear, “Mother, I wish you were here” my voice trembled. 

“Darling I must go now the doctors are here, but please remember I love you dearly and whatever happens tonight I know you’ll be amazing, you can do this sweetheart!” she said reassuringly. I breathed hard down the phone as repeats of her words played back in my mind like a violent slideshow on fast forward, I felt sick. “I love you too mother and please get better soon” I managed to whisper before we hung up. 

The door bell rang again and I knew my time was up, I let the weight of the phone slide out of my hand and land on the floor with a loud thud. “Rose? Rosey it’s me, open the door!” I heard a voice yell and glanced to the luxurious clock on the wall, we were late.

I could feel the phone vibrate against my heel as my mind and heart were in an epic battle of what I should do. Furrowing my brows together I sucked in a sharp breathe and took a couple of steps towards the door. Twisting the door knob open I found a wide eyed woman smiling straight at me before her expression changed to one of worry. 

I smiled faintly at how unconvincing my face was and contemplated for a second what a dreadful actress I would be. “Is…is everything alright?” she spoke softly, I nodded and her red lips formed into a thin line before pulling me back into the hotel room. “What’s wrong?” she asked concerned. She stared directly at me trying to access the fresh tears on my chin as my eyes fixated upon the train of her black chiffon dress. 

“Em, I don’t think I can do this…” I finally spoke hearing how small my voice had become.

“What? Of course you can, don’t be daft!” she blurted out looking shocked. I wasn’t convinced until she grabbed both my shoulders and pulled me in for a bear hug. She squeezed me so tightly I was sure our bodies must have morphed together by now. I hadn’t known Emma for long but already I was thankful to have such a kind and considerate soul as my friend. 

“I will be with you throughout all of this, right by your side” she whispered in my ear and I knew from her words she meant it. I nodded and broke our embrace to quickly run into the bedroom to find my phone and shove it in my clutch bag.

“Okay, let’s do this” I said beginning to feel more and more confident.

***

People, people everywhere. 

I felt dazed, disorientated. How much time had passed between getting out of the car, being bombarded by a thousand camera men and entering into the auditorium I did not know? We were shown to our seats as I rubbed my eyes trying to regain focus. Emma squeezed my hand and gave me her award winning smile, “Are you okay?” My reply was deafened by the sound of an orchestra playing as our eyes chased the spotlights circling the stage.

The auditorium lights dimmed and a lump formed in my throat as I finally took in the sheer mass of people sitting around us. The heavy red velvet curtains slowly opened and a familiar looking man dressed in a black suit stood smiling at the podium. “Ladies and Gentleman it is a pleasure to welcome you all to the fifth annual Pride of Charity Awards 2015. My name is Stephen Fry and it’s been a great year in recognizing charitable work for the greater cause. As we are running considerably late and have a schedule to keep I would like to start things off by introducing to you last year’s winner for most recognized charitable work, Mr. Thomas Hiddleston!“ 

Within a second I felt my entire body tense up as the memory I was so in love with spiraled into a nightmare. I felt physically sick as my eyes frantically searched the stage, were my ears deceiving me or did I really just hear his name? As the man I so wanted to see and couldn’t bear to see walked out from behind the stage doors I gasped in utter shock, “Rosey, is everything alright?” I heard Emma ask through the audience’s loud applause, but all that came out of my mouth were incoherent words. 

Tom walked out to the podium in a sharply tailored suit and ran his fingers through his clean cut blonde locks, “I feel incredibly privileged to be involved with Unicef in supporting the African charities and I can gratefully say it’s been one of the most truly fulfilling parts of my life…" 

My chest constricted with his every word and all I seemed to be doing was rocking backwards and forwards trying to swallow the bile rising to my throat. Emma looked at me worryingly as I shook my head trying to figure out whether or not this was real or a figment of my lonesome imagination trying to make me see the only man I had ever loved? 

“However neglect and poverty is not just found in common places like Africa. South East Asia is also one of the most dehumanizing and suffering places on earth, which is why the Difference Starts With You project established by this individuals impeccable and passionate foresight is the reason why it brings me great joy in presenting the most charitable recognition of 2015 award to …Miss. Rose Steel” he announced proudly.

“Rose! Darling you’ve won! You’ve won!” Emma screamed as a wave of applause crashed into my skull like heavy waves. The next few seconds were a blur, I felt Emma lift me up into a quick embrace before being torn away from her and chaperoned onto the bottom steps of the stage by staff. 

The continued applause had left me feeling so euphoric I had forgotten all about who had announced my name, I had won. My whole life’s work saved up for this moment and it has actually happened, mother would be so proud. My heels reached the top of the stage and my eyes glanced upon a stunning man with a beaming smile that felt like sun rays warming my skin. 

I froze instantly. My smile fading like a wilting flower and my eyes prickling with tears, it was really him. 

For a second I felt a weird sense of nostalgia surfacing through my body as that cheeky but charming smile took my breath away all over again. Everything had fallen silent around me as I stared wide eyed at him not realizing I had stopped still in my tracks. Sensing my emotional struggle Stephen came behind me and gave me an encouraging nudge towards where Tom was standing with arms wide open.

His eyes were kind as I approached him and he closed the distance quickly between us with a tight embrace, “Congratulations Rose” he whispered and I was sure he recognized me. Feeling him letting go I grabbed onto his arms in desperation and pulled him closer, “Tom…” I began, but my eyes were met by the emerald green and blue flecks of clear agitation in his eyes. 

He pulled me off him nonchalantly and ran towards the back of the stage as I stood numb, clutching onto the disappearing warmth of his hands, “T…thank you, Mr. Hiddleston” I could hear my voice trembling as I dug my nails into the microphone and tried to remember what my purpose for standing here was. 

“I…erm, I just…I just want to…” I could hardly get the words out, I felt weak like a canon had just shot through my rib cage. 

“I just wanted to s..say, I just would like to… thank…thank Unicef and their great contributions…contributions to my work…” I managed to spit out as I saw Emma in the corner of my eye smiling at me, motivating me to carry on. 

“Without them I’d have no tools to help the people and my mother, I’d like to thank her also…” I felt my voice become more confident as I pulled myself together and cascaded my eyes over the rich socialites touching their diamonds and pearls. This was wrong, all so wrong and the built up tension with Tom was making this incredibly hard to stay sane.

“BUT, in actual reality who cares right? I mean you obviously don’t…” I surprised even myself as my tone changed to one of sarcasm so rapidly. I felt a rush of freedom enter my bloodstream like hard cocaine and knew this was what I had been waiting for, this was why I was standing here, “I feel like a nobody looking down at you with your expensive dresses and suits and that’s because I AM a nobody, I am just an ordinary person trying to help other ordinary people in cruel circumstances…“ I spoke noticing a lady in the front placing her hand over her mouth, shocked by what I was saying.

“I just…it just infuriates me to see such luxury when there are people who will die never seeing what a normal humane place such as a supermarket or a restaurant looks like? I just…I just…why can’t you instead of attending these events find it in your hearts to contribute…you can all make a DIFFERENCE!” I shouted the last word before security guards ran up on stage and escorted me away from the podium.

I was dragged backstage to both boos and cheers and was quarantined in a small room before hearing a familiar Ms. Watson demand for my release. When the doors finally opened she came rushing in at me with her hands in the air, “Wow all I can say is THAT was just AMAZING!” she cried.

“This will be in the newspapers everywhere tomorrow!” she paced the length of the small room. “You’re making headlines Rosey, you’re so brave, so so brave!” she yelled, though as she stopped and searched my face for a response she knew something was very wrong.

“Rosey?” she asked concerned, but all I could do was throw myself at her until the last of my tears had soaked into her dress.


	2. What are the chances?

Emma held me in her arms for what seemed an age.

She waited patiently for my breathing to steady before I felt one of her heels latch onto the plastic chair behind us and drag it towards me, “Let’s sit down…” she whispered softly. I lifted my head out of the crane of her neck and carefully plopped myself down next to her as I wiped my face clean of tears and black clumps of mascara. 

“Listen, you’ve got to believe me when I say everything’s going to be okay…” her voice cooed like she was speaking to a baby. She brushed away the tiny hairs in my eyes and smiled confidently, “My publicist is fantastic, I can arrange for him to take care of you…take care of your image, there really isn’t anything to worry about I promise you…”

I tried my best to smile at her as convincingly as I could but I knew the message conveyed in my eyes said the total opposite. Why? Why couldn’t I just send her all these thoughts and feelings my heart so viciously concealed telepathically? 

Why couldn’t I just tell her the TRUTH?

Tearing my eyes away from her I stared at the floor as my mind cast back to a treasured memory we shared the first time we’d met at a charity event last year. Being assigned a fundraising campaign together in China I was surprised at how well we bonded coming from different walks of life, it didn’t take long before we realized our passions on freedom and rights of equality were very similar. As the weeks past by we became inseparable and as our friendship grew on it lead her to motivating and encouraging my aspiring charity projects. She helped me gain the media coverage I needed and without her I would surely not be accepting this award tonight, so why couldn’t I just spit it out?

Breathing in a short sharp breathe I diverted my eyes back to her, “Em, thank you…”

“No no…” she began shaking her head.

“NO Emma, I really mean it! I should be thanking you for always supporting my cause. And I know everything’s going to be okay, I mean I have you with me…” I smiled as she continued to shake her head.

I grabbed both of her hands and squeezed them tightly, “Look…there’s something, there’s a reason why I’ve been acting somewhat strange…” I stopped suddenly trying to retain myself from breaking down again. “When Stephen announced last year’s winner, I…I…”

Emma looked confused as I opened and closed my mouth multiple times, “…I…the person who walked ou-”

Knock Knock Knock 

“Excuse me Emma but we need to leave now. The car is waiting for us at the back and we might be able to make it in time before the press block the exist” Emma’s publicist said eyeing my disheveled state as he stood uneasily at the door. 

“Er, yes, lead the way then Luke…” she spoke firmly as she got up and gripped my hand to follow after him. 

He led us through a narrow and dimly lit backstage corridor as I heard the sound of applause and the orchestra playing far away in the distance. We approached two large fire exist doors as Luke signaled to the security guards we were ready to leave. I braced myself instantly for the bombardment of press and paparazzi the instant the doors were opened but to my surprise there were none, just a row of black cars.

The cold night air quickly enveloped our bodies stinging my bare skin as one of the security guards opened the car door for me. I jumped in and scooted inside quickly as Emma followed behind me slamming the door shut. I heard Luke’s door slam at the front as the driver took off immediately, “We’re lucky...the press will be on their way soon as the events just finished…” Luke said glancing down at his watch, “...so what time shall I pick you up tonight?”

Emma peeked a look at me hesitantly as I remembered we were meant to attend the after party also, “We won’t be attending tonight…” she answered nonchalantly. 

“No!” I said firmly as my hand automatically lurched on Emma’s arm.

“We really don’t have to go you know, if your worried about that collaborator I mentioned we can arrange a meeting another time…” she said patting my hand reassuringly.

“NO…I mean…I’d like to go!” I said almost aggressively as Emma and Luke exchanged concerned looks. My smile was crooked as I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, what was I doing?

"....Are you sure?" Emma clarified again clearly fazed by my reaction.

"...Erm, yes, I feel there will be very important people there and well, we can't disappoint the collaborator now. I mean he was looking forward to this meeting wasn't he?" I tried to respond in the most natural manner possible though my heart twisted and ached with my true motive.

"Well yes...but like I said..." Emma trailed off as she searched my face for signs of insanity.

"I know Em, but...I'm okay, really..." I smiled falsely. 

"Alright, let's say close to midnight then Luke , I'll give you another call" Emma said nodding at Luke who was clearly confused by the whole situation.

As I turned away to look out the window I heard Luke giving directions to the driver and saw in the corner of my eye Emma playing with her phone though clearly eyeing me secretly with curiosity. To be honest, I thought I knew what I was doing but clearly by the sweat beads forming on my brow I didn't. There was a chance, just a slight chance he might be there and I needed to see him again, I had too. 

***

The party was held in a secret venue somewhere in downtown London and as we got out of the car we were chaperoned inside immediately to avoid the few paparazzi who had managed to work out the location. As we were lead passed a large corridor towards the event doors I looked at myself in the huge mirror almost substituting the entirety of the wall, "You look fine...even after crying for hours..." Emma laughed. I laughed too until I remembered I was still lying to her, I tried to pull myself together and rub my arms from the goosebumps that were forming quickly upon my skin though this didn't help much. Before I could think about how sheer my dress was Emma linked arms with me and asked if I was ready to go through the doors. 

"Ready..." I smiled nervously.

We approached the doors that were opened by two members of staff and were greeted by small crowds of people encircling tiny mental tables scattered all over the room. The ceiling was rather low and had dimly lit spotlights shining a romantic tangerine musk of light onto people's faces. There was a large bar section at the back separated rather appropriately from the rest of the modern green and black decor and in every corner and wall of the room different pieces of artwork could be seen on display. There was also a small DJ booth at the side of the room where the DJ had just started playing a new song, "You got me sipping on something, I can't compare to nothing, I've ever known..." 

I glanced at the people taking notice of our presence and looked down shyly, even after attending so many of these events with Emma I was still not used to so much attention. I was the normal girl and she was practically Hollywood royalty, but I liked it that way after all - I only ever had been the normal girl. I tried to eye a spare table for us to sit down when I felt a jerk to my right side suddenly as Emma let go of my arm to cuddle Benedict Cumberbatch. OMG. Wait, Benedict Cumberbatch?

"It's so good to see you Emma, how are you?" he kissed her gently on the cheek.

"Fine and how's your beautiful baby boy!" she smiled excitedly.

"Great! He's absolutely fine and Sophie has been just amazing..." he glanced at me currently stood fiddling with my hair and looking down at my heels.

"I'm so sorry, how rude of me, this must be Rose...what a pleasure it is to finally meet you!" he expressed holding his hand out for me to shake.

"No, please...the pleasure is all mine. I hope you don't mind me saying but I am a big fan of your work..." I shook his hand timidly. 

"We're in very much the same boat, I thought you were a very worthy winner tonight Rose, congratulations..." he smiled at me. 

"Woah Woah, now where is my girl?" I heard a familiar voice shout from behind us.

I turned just in time for Robert Downey Junior to catch me in a tight embrace, "I'm so glad you're here!" I admitted "I've just met Ben!" I teased.

"Yeah, well sorry but I was the better Sherlock!" he let go of me and sent both Emma, Ben and the people eavesdropping around us in laughter.

"Emma darling, you look beautiful tonight..." Robert charmed as he hugged Emma and winked at Benedict who was already being greeted by someone else.

"Now, would you mind if I just steal this one away for a few minuets, I have a table just over there..." Robert pointed at a table in the far corner of the room.

"Of course not, see you in a moment..." Emma said walking away towards the bar area.

"Now my dear..." Robert put his arm around me, "...congratulations...." he smiled dragging me towards a painting on the wall, "...but feast your eyes on this!"

I stared at the picture on the wall of a small African boy drinking clean water out of a bottle before my eyes cast down at the name on the plaque reading RDJ, "You painted this!" I cried.

"Why yes, are you doubting me?" he questioned smugly.

"No, it's beautiful, inspiring and very professionally painted...wow, it's no lie when they say you are a man of many talents!" I complimented.

"Well, your story motivated me to do it and I hope it will sell tonight. In fact I really hope the people here will buy all of these paintings so we can donate to all the wonderful charity founders here..." he mentioned scanning the room for potential buyers.

"I hope so too..." I said sheepishly while remembering the real reason I was here.

"Rob! Dude!" I glanced over to see Chris Hemsworth standing in the middle of the room with his arms wide open obviously waiting for a hug.

"Chris you dirty little bastard! You said you weren't coming, come to papa you rascal!" he yelled running across the room to everyone's delight.

I giggled as more people entered into the event and glanced back at Robert's painting. "...the beds getting cold and your not here, the future that we hold is so unclear..." the music ran through my mind as I condemned myself for being such a pathetic waste of space, this painting was the true reason I was here and nothing else. I had just won an award and was meant to be meeting a collaborator soon who was willing to put a lot of money into my next project, but why was my brain making me focus on other things, him.

I shook my head in anger, NO. I needed to stop this madness..."...but I'm not alive until you call and I'll put the odds against it all...save your goodbyes coz I won't hear..." I mouthed along as I wiped my sweaty palms against my dress and took in a deep breathe. Forget. Him. It. Was. In. The. Past.

"...there's a million reasons why I should give you up..." I sang out loud as my eyes glanced across to where Rob was again but instead locked with a familiar blue. 

"...but the heart wants what it wants..." I turned to look back at the painting as my hands automatically became fists, "...the heart wants what it wants".


	3. She's the only thing he's ever seen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments guys, you really have no idea what one - just one - comment does to set the mood for my whole entire week :D Sorry this one is another stalling chapter I promise the next one will be purely Rose&Tom!

I was sure. No. I was certain I was losing my mind and was seeing visions of him.

"Ah..." I pinched myself to see if I was still conscious.

"Now this is a very interesting painting..." a sultry voice startled me.

Straightening myself out I looked to see the source of the voice beside me, "...I thought he was lying you know" she smiled. 

"Scarlett! Wow, it's a pleasure to m...meet you..." I stuttered.

"It's nice to meet you too Rose and congratulations!" she leaned in for a quick hug before my body turned into concrete at hearing a familiar laugh, "...are you okay?".

"F...forgive me, I erm..." I fiddled with my fingers trying to come up with the perfect excuse to my sudden awkwardness.

"....Wanna grab a drink?" she seemed to divert the situation.

"Yes! Haha, that would be great thanks..." I admitted a little too eagerly and followed her to the bar.

"A gin and tonic please!" I shouted as the bartender waited for Scarlett's order and handed us our drinks.

Scarlett began making light conversation as I shifted and shuffled uncomfortably on the seat, my brain had managed to go into full surveillance mode as I flinched and jumped at every male voice within a five meter radius. I tried my best to seem engaged at our small talk but all I could manage was a blank smile while I mentally coaxed myself to getting up and leaving. Her voice was a simple blur now as my senses focused on the gentle movements the drink was making in my shaking hand, why on earth did I think this fuckery of a plan would help resolve anything? I clutched onto the glass tighter as my brain threw in every insult known to man at how weak and desperate I had become, what was happening to me? 

"Rose?" I heard a faint voice as the frustration began boiling up inside of me.

"Rose?" I shut my eyes and in one forceful motion downed the cool liquid in one before almost smashing the glass on the counter. 

"...erm, Rob's calling us from the table, shall we join him?" Scarlett asked warily having witnessed my strange act.

"...yes, ....please after you" I tried to sound sane and accompanied her towards the table.

"So I see you two have met?" Rob smirked suspiciously.

"Don't worry I've got at least a few more drinks to buy her before she tells me the whereabouts of your priceless Iron Man suit!" Scarlett teased as Rob's flamboyant iron man impressions made the entirety of table coil with fits of laughter. 

"Did they really give you that suit?" Benedict asked wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Of course they did Holmes!" Rob spoke in a British accent, "...isn't that right Watson?" 

"Yes Mr. Holmes that is correct!" Emma giggled shaking her head and hugging me as I felt a sense of relief being reunited with her again.

"So how come none of us have ever seen it?" Scarlett raised an eyebrow.

"Wrong place wrong time!" Rob debated.

"...so explain why Rose is the only one whose ever seen it?" Scarlett persisted.

"Right place, right time!" Rob shrugged making myself and the table roar with with laughter once more.

"Hey hey!" I tried to explain, "...rumors will be flying with that sort of talk, I'm already due in the papers at it is!" I smiled though my inside's churned at the thought.

"...alright alright go ahead little lady, clarify if you must" Rob pouted.

"Rob saw my appeal on social media and became one of my first collaborators, I went round his house to talk about his ideas for the project..." I proudly announced looking at him in adoration, "...thank you" my voice suddenly became quiet.

"Oh come here you delicate little flower!" he teased and pulled me into a bear hug.

"Rob I can't see!" he squeezed me even tighter as I squealed in delight.

The rest of the table continued laughing as we rocked back and forth for a while before subsiding to a gentle halt, "I want you to know how proud I am of you tonight..." he whispered, "...you didn't go against the grain, you were you Rosey and being true to yourself is the most important thing". Tears started prickling my eyes as I nodded and held onto him even closer, he had always promised to support me in any way he could yet I could have never imagined he would become such a father figure to me. I was lucky, god I was so lucky to have him in my life and if anything I had always felt safe and protected in his presence, nothing could harm me now. 

"Hey Loki! Loki you little shit come over here!" I heard Scarlett's voice as Rob pulled away from me instantly.

I stood with a look of pure horror plastered over my face as I watched Rob pull a tall man over towards the table, it was him, it was definitely Tom. FUCK. 

"Buddy! It's so good to see you, how have you been?" I heard Scarlett ask as I shuffled over to Emma quickly deciding whether or not to just make a run for it. 

"Fine, great actually! How have you been?" I heard Tom's voice already at the table as my breathing hitched and the adrenaline pumped through my heart like hard cocaine. 

"Great too bud, but enough about me introduce me already will ya..." Rob interrupted as Scarlett swore at him.

"Oh ehehe, this is Jessica..." Tom introduced as curiosity kicked in and I had no choice but to stay.

"And why have we never met! You look stunning dear, it's a pleasure to meet you..." Rob expressed.

"Thank you but the pleasure is all mine, I am a big marvel fan!" I heard her say excitedly. 

"...and how rude of me, I'm sure you already know Ben, Rose, Scarlett and Emma here?" Rob asked her.

"Yes, I have met Ben and Emma a few times and I know Scarlett from way back..." she paused for a few seconds, "...but I don't seem to recall who this is?"

I felt Emma turn towards me before a few seconds of silence passed by and I defeatedly looked up to be met immediately by Tom's gaze. The exchange was brief as he quickly licked his lips and looked away while I stayed glaring selfishly at every detail on the face I had so longed to see.

"Who are you again?" she asked snapping me back to reality.

Tom smiled and looked at her like she was the only thing he had ever seen, "I'm..." my eyes trailed to his hand touching the small of her back before I felt my soul leave me completely, "...Rose, just Rose" my smile was cracked. 

"She was one of the winner's at tonight's event..." Emma put forwards as Rob seconded that fact. 

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry I wasn't able to attend as Tom and I had somewhat of a strenuous night last night you could say..." she looked at him as they both giggled.

I bit my lip hard to fight the tears before picking up Emma's drink, turning around and downing it fast. Emma left my side as I stood considering what drink to order next that could completely knock the events of tonight out of my memory permanently. 

"Rose..." I felt Emma touch my arm and turned to see her standing there with Tom by her side adjusting his glasses. I stiffened at seeing him and kept my focus on Emma, "...I'd like you to meet my good friend Tom, Tom Hiddleston" she spoke and stepped back a little so there was a slight gap between us. 

"I think we've met before..." I glanced uneasily at his chest, "...up on stage a few hours ago" he said regurgitating the unwanted moment into my head once more.

"I'd like to work with you Rose, if I may call you that..." I looked to Emma with clear confusion, was I hearing things?

"This is the collaborator Rose, Tom's was the one interested in supporting your newest project!" Emma announced excitedly. 

"...what?" I looked at his face in bewilderment, "...you want to work with me?" I asked as the information still hadn't processed in my brain.

"Yes, I was wondering if you might have some time tomorrow to meet me?" he smiled scanning my face, "...would lunch be okay?"

I looked back at Emma who was smiling encouragingly, was this for real? Even if it was I couldn't go through with it, how could I?

"I think with the idea I have you would really be interested..." he was about to continue but I had already made my decision.

"I'm sorry Mr. Hiddleston, thank you but I don't think I would be interested in any ideas you may have..." he seemed shocked by my response but before Emma could stop me I was already running away from them into the lobby.

I managed to reach the corridor to where the exist was before he caught my arm. I turned around furious at his action and snagged it free from his hand, "Please don-".

"I'm sorry" he breathed out desperately, "...on stage, forgive me I didn't mean to throw you off like that" the look on his face was sincere as he stepped closer towards me, "I really am interested in your cause Ms. Steel if you'd just give me a chan-"

"Mr. Hiddleston, please don't apologize this is not a personal thing I just don't think working with you wou-" 

"An hour, that's all I'm asking..." his eyes bore into mine as he stood towering over me.

I felt myself drowning in his eyes before I tore myself away and headed for the doors, "an hour then..." I said regretfully before walking out into the cold night air.


	4. The other side of the moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those who do follow this fic I must apologize for updating so late! #life basically got in the way...  
> But I am back with a brand new chapter and I promise after this drama is about to hit so brace yourselves :)  
> Thanks for all the kind feedback and kudo's - any comment would be greatly appreciated!

The fact that I was nervous irritated me more than my unruly hair covering part of my eye each time I glanced down at my watch.

"Miss. Steel please follow me..." the middle aged waiter smiled and lead me up two flights of stairs to a private floor with glass windows overlooking the River Thames. 

He ushered me through a few scattered tables where I was sure I just walked passed Jude Law and out towards a empty table situated next to a balcony covered in an assortment of red and pink roses. 

"Mr. Hiddleston sends his apologizes, he will be here shortly..." the waiter spoke and left me silently gawping at how the restaurant was so beautifully decorated. 

I shuffled uncomfortably as I caught a glimpse of the pretty blonde opposite Jude feeding him a big chunk of salmon as the image of my pot noodle breakfast popped into my head playfully. I chuckled sarcastically at how god seemed to be toiling with my life right now, why couldn't he just leave me alone, leave me be. I was the classic simpleton girl who wanted to help people yet now it seemed the one needing help was me. The chances of meeting him again seemed impossible though how on earth could I comprehend what was impossible anymore now that I was sitting here waiting for him? Nothing seemed impossible anymore, not even taking a photo of the other side of the moon, not even counting the stars in illimitable space.

"Welcome Tom!" I flinched as the waiter greeted Tom and pointed to where I was sitting. He smiled and was approaching me as my phoned buzzed and a message from Emma appeared asking if I had arrived at the restaurant yet, I was surprised she was still talking to me at all after our conversation this morning. Making an excuse for my dramatic departure was lie ridden as I tried to console her into meeting me later to talk it out, still she wasn't prepared to hang up until I told her I accepted Tom's lunch meeting by which she seemed pretty happy about.

"Miss. Steel..." he sat down as his eyes scanned my yellow floral dress, "...if you don't mind me saying you erm, look beaut-"

"I don't have much time Mr. Hiddleston..." I lied as I ignored his slightly hurt face. 

"Erm, yes of course...my apologizes for being late. I was so consumed last night with what I wanted to propose that I left the house without my notes" he smiled. 

I looked away reminding myself that his smile wasn't becoming infectious before looking him dead in the eye, "Well maybe next time you should consider making lunch appointments a little closer to home and not in fancy a-list restaurants?" 

He opened his mouth to speak though nothing came out, "...yes" he laughed faintly as he loosened his tie and ran his fingers through his blonde curls.

"I erm, your right... it was foolish of me to have you come here and in such sort notice" he fiddled with the paper in his hand and looked over to a frowning Jude who could clearly hear our conversation.

"So?" I tried to divert his attention back to me as he began getting red in the face.

He cleared his throat and handed me the paper, "This is an event Unicef is planning to organize in accordance with the ambassadors from each rural country, it is a fundraising gala by which many honorable people are invited including celebrities who are given the opportunity to donate money. I have proposed to Unicef to open a slot for us to introduce a project by which not only is it covered by the media but it is also broadcast live..." he looked at me eagerly waiting for a response.

"And the slot, what would that entail?" I tried to hide the interest in my voice.

"A forty-five minute presentation by which we can demonstrate and explain exactly what we want to do" he grabbed the edges of the table and lent it. 

I felt my cheeks flush, "I don't understand..." I tried to compose myself professionally, "...you can do this with anyone, even independently?"

"That's correct, however since I heard about you and your projects I've felt inspired. It's no lie Miss. Steel that I greatly admire the way you work and have been longing to work with you. Your exceptionally hands on and make such a big impact on the world which I find so fulfilling to watch, it would be great if I had the chance to actually participate in it along side you..." his voice seemed genuine. 

"So, that's it?" I asked curtly. 

"I'm sorry?" he ran his hands down his trouser legs.

"You want to work with me so you get noticed? As what Tom Hiddleston the priest? The giver of all?" I spoke harshly as I saw the anger begin rushing to his face. It wasn't pleasurable being nasty to him, but it was the only defense mechanism able to distract myself from wanting to be near him so desperately.

"No, Miss. Steel that was never my intention and never will be. I am passionate about the cause, I am honored to be an ambassador and now you are to-"

"Perhaps not for long" I interrupted. 

"But you see, that's what makes you so interesting to me. You're not like the others, your...different" he sighed, "...look, I just want to learn from you okay?" 

A silence fell upon us as I crossed my arms and felt like a monster, how did it all come down to this?

"The gala is this Wednesday..." he spoke warily as I looked back to him. 

"But it's Monday today?" I uncrossed my arms and shrugged, "...do you think projects like this take only minutes to prepare?" I asked sarcastically.

"No, but if you would just listen to what I'm trying to prop-" I could see him get annoyed.

"You know getting involved with me might ruin your reputation right? Or do you want this for the publicit-" I interrupted.

"Would you please just listen to me!" his voice was stern as I noticed Jude grab the bill and leave quickly out of the restaurant.

I looked at him quite taken back and yet angry at how keen he was to get his point across. I didn't want to listen to him, I didn't want to know about any of his ideas.

"Look Mr. Hiddleston thank you but-" I tried to let him down gently.

"The project I want to propose is about flat pack schools, there's a company in America that are able to build a fully functional building from stable plywood within four hours. Yes the material is expensive and I know it's a risk but if we can get the money we would be able to build many small schools and medical centers for South East Asian children. The process is very easy and I know with your help, with your contacts and my efforts we can do this and get something done. I'm sure you understand the situation when it comes to building educational or medical centers and by doing it this way there'd be so many supports and the media coverage would be so global it would never fail!" he breathed hard and sat back trying to calm himself down.

I could see the enthusiasm and passion in his eyes but could I separate work from my heart? I looked down at the open notebook he had on the table and could see covering pages and pages of it were calculations and people's names filling almost every blank white space. He was serious about this and he needed my help, there was no doubt this would be beneficial to many rural areas and maybe Unicef would be able to make this a continual yearly project if it was successful enough but how could I possibly work with him?

Knowing, feeling, remembering.

I couldn't. 

"Mr. Hiddleston..." I tried to sound reasonable, "...with all due respect your proposal does sound interesting however I'm not sure if I'd be ready to put that all into play by Wednesday" I smiled reluctantly as his eyes lit up for a second before fading away at my decline.

"I promise you wouldn't need to do anything, we could meet again tomorrow, I have a team who have everything practically set up..." he tried to encourage.

"Yes but..." I tensed.

"Please..." his eyes bore into mine desperately.

I sat still just loosing myself in his eyes as the realization of needing to leave before the urge to accept numbed my senses, I got up slowly and without looking at him began to walk away, "I'm sorry Mr. Hiddleston..." I managed to say.

"I promised to do good for the world..." he murmured behind me.

"And good for the world you shall do..." I spoke before stopping at the sound of his chair suddenly sliding back.

"What did you say?" he asked as I felt my body get heavier and lent on the table next to me for support. 

My heart raced wildly as I tried to focus on what I had just said, I gulped and heard him coming up behind me.

"What did you just say?" he whispered in my ear as I stood up straight and turned around to face his intense gaze.

"...and good for the world you shall do" I bit my lip and looked down, "...what is it? I dared asked. 

"I erm, I'm sorry..." he stepped back, "...you just remind me of someone" he said before turning away and staring out the window.

I starred at him in shock as the restaurant staff pretended not to watch our strange interaction, could he really have remembered? My heart and mind felt conflicted, I wanted so much to just say yes, yes to working with him, yes to wanting to delve into his brilliant mind, yes to wanting to help him, yes to wanting to be near him and yes to accepting that he would completely and utterly ruin me once he was gone forever from my life. Yet, the small prospect of being with him for the next couple of days felt like god was feeding me the temptation to mercilessly test my moral strength, the question is was I strong enough to resist? 

"I...I...." he looked back at me as the eagerness faded from his eyes like a winter sky after sunset, "...accept" 

He searched my face, "You do?"

I tried to breathe feeling slightly faint and loosened the death grip on my poor phone, "...but do me a favor" I finally let my ice queen facade down, "...this time if your sending me directions don't send another ten messages after that apologizing for how bad they are, I do have google you know..." I held my phone up and smiled.

He laughed uncontrollably making my heart swell up with joy, seeing him happy made me feel so alive. I watched him grab his things from the table and walk along side me until we made our way out of the doors and down the stairs. As we approached the main floor I wondered what the loud commotions were before glancing over to the restaurant window and seeing almost twenty cameras snapping away furiously, "shit" I heard Tom say under his breath.

"They spotted you walking in here sir but we managed to get Miss. Steel a taxi like you asked, it's the one parked just outside there!" a waiter hurriedly spoke as Tom nodded and I didn't have time to thank him for this kind gesture. 

"Miss. Steel, could I also ask for a favor? Would you mind calling me Tom?" he looked shyly at me before his expression changed at the paparazzi calling out his name.

"Okay, Tom" I felt strangely shy too before he winked at me and put his arm around my shoulder.

Electric tingles danced up my spine as he pressed me close to him, "Til tomorrow Rose..." he whispered before leading us out towards the taxi. He managed to open the door as I jumped in and closed the door behind me, he gave a quick wave before the taxi drove off leaving Tom drowning in a wave of cameramen. 

"Til tomorrow Tom" I muttered and all at once I knew I would live to regret this.


	5. Can you feel it now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who left comments - you don't know how much I truly appreciate them!  
> Sorry that this chapter is quiet long as I had a lot of things to cover but yes I know, will they/won't they kiss?!  
> All I'm saying is next chapter they are definately kissing, oh yes ladies and gentlemen Rose is getting kissed, properly this time :D Will Lizzy intervene? And where did Jessica go? All will be revealed soon enough *evil laugh

“No!”

“It’s alright he’ll be outside…”

“Pleaseeee…ahhh…”

“Doctor! Where is the Doctor!”

“Tom! No!”

“She’s loosing too much blood, go find him now!”

“Noooooooooo!” 

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.

“We need to apply pressure to her back!”

BEEP BEEP BEEP.

“Tom! Toooommmm!”

BEEP BEEP.

“She’s losing consciousness, quickly!”

BEEP.

“Tom…..…..t….tom……to……..tommmmerr…”

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

“TOMMMMM!” my body jolted upright from the bed as I heard my screams circle and penetrate through the cold walls like a pained echo. 

"Rosey?" Emma cried as she barged in through the door, "...are you alright?" she scanned my face.

"y...yes..." I murmured as she shook her head clearly analyzing the cold sweat dripping off my brow.

"You're shaking..." her eyes sympathized with mine as I tried to hide the anxiety rising up my throat, "...you know I said you could come sleep with me bu-"

"I said I'm fine" she ignored my bratty tone and pulled me in for a hug.

This wasn't the first time this had happened in Emma's apartment and it certainly wasn't the first night this recurring memory had haunted my dreams. It would always repeat over and over again viciously, not waking me up until I had fully experienced the excruciating pain of metal being pulled from my spine, or the jabbing sting of needles penetrating my skull, or the pressure of a thousand hands pounding at my rib cage or even the faint silhouette of a blonde haired boy disappearing before my eyes. 

"What's that?" Emma's voice suddenly perked up at the small glass photo frame sitting on the bed side cabinet.

"Oh...that's just something mother gave me before I...left her" she let go of me as my voice broke. 

"How is she?" Emma's voice sounded concerned.

"She's...well I spoke to her briefly last night, she sounded weak but she told me the doctors think she's improving" I felt sick.

"That's good Rosey, that's really good!" Emma tried to sound encouraging despite the sad reality, "...and oh my god!" she began laughing uncontrollably.

"What?" I inquired confused by the rapid change of mood.

"Is that? Is that you?" she pointed to the scruffy little girl in the picture and held her stomach laughing.

"Erm, yes it is and why is that so funny?" I smiled beginning to laugh myself.

"I just can't believe how much you've changed, I mean what's the patch on the glasses all about? And look at your hair!" she cried.

"Well the patch was because I had a lazy eye and the hair, well father cut that for me every consecutive year. He called it the pirate cut!" I giggled. 

"My my I'll have to call you Pirate Rose from now on! Is that what the kid's used to call you, Pirate Rose?" she taunted.

"Hey!" I hit her playfully sending us roaring in fits of laughter.

"Urgh, It's almost morning. Did Tom ever send you those directions?" Emma smirked trying to catch her breathe.

"Yeah, I think it's directly at the Gala..." the change in conversation instantly made me dread the day, "...how I wish you were going with me Em-" 

"Well if I didn't have a hundred movie junket's to do I would, but please you'll be fine! Luke told me he's picking you up right?" she asked. 

"Yeah he messaged me last night...well, I suppose I should start getting ready really. Damn, I could really do with a pick-me-up right now..." I flashed her a cheeky smile.

"I thought it was your turn to make the tea?" she stuck her tongue out and skipped out the door, "...Aye Aye Captain!" she yelled from the kitchen.

***

"Call me if you need a ride back" Luke offered nonchalantly. 

"Thanks" I watched as the car sped away and wondered if he ever found secret enjoyment from our silent car rides.

I turned to face the historical building in front of me and almost gasped at it's beauty, part of London's charm had always been undoubtedly it's architecture and if it weren't for the lighting technicians currently finding amusement in my gawping expression I would have stared at it for longer. Feeling slightly impaired due to Emma's rather tight pencil skirt and high heels I managed to enter through the set of tall rustic wooden doors into the main room successfully. It was enormously large yet empty inside and filled with rows of red plush chairs lined in a curved position to follow the round shape of the building, there was a stage at the front of the room and a few technicians running electric cables up the spiral domed ceiling. 

"Rose!" I jumped at the familiar voice and straightened myself out before turning around to see a brightly smiling Tom wearing a tailored blue shirt and glasses, I could see his eyes lingering at certain points of my outfit as my cheeks burnt crimson from the reminder of our meeting yesterday.

"Everyone, this is Rose" he introduced as we all exchanged polite greetings.

"Tom has told us a great deal about your work and we are very excited to be collaborating with you..." the older man spoke, "...shall we?" he gestured to the table on the stage. 

We walked towards the stage and up the stairs to take our seats at the table. Tom sitting beside me shuffled his chair closer into the table making our bodies sit at an angle that naturally lent in closer towards each other, I could feel his body heat resonating into mine making it almost impossible to breathe knowing he was so close to me. His cologne made my senses dizzy as I tried to concentrate on the big sheet of paper being spread across the table and not at the tiny freckles covering his hand. The men began discussing what would be displayed on the projector screen as my brain suddenly switched off singling out only Tom's voice, I lost all thought listening to him speak so vibrantly, so deeply, so passionately that it made me envy those who had ever had the pleasure of being in his company. 

"So, what are your thoughts on that?" I froze realizing he was asking me the question.

"Erm, my thoughts?" I tried to act like I knew exactly what he was going on.

"Yes, on what should be displayed on the projector screen..." I felt him staring at me as our hands brushed against each other briskly.

"Well..." I glanced to the notes on the table, "...it all looks satisfactory, I'm more concerned about the bulk of our presentation to be honest" I engaged.

"Yes, don't worry. I thought I could take the first half of the presentation explaining exactly how the flat pack system works and you could explain about the budget and what is needed from the public to make it work?" I looked towards the men nodding approvingly and agreed that this sounded like a realistic plan.

"What are these models here?" I pointed at the tiny wooden structures on the table.

"Oh these are replicas of what the schools or medical units might look like, I thought you might be able to use them tomorrow" the older man explained.

"Oh wow, these are great!" I complimented starting to feel a little more confident that our rather rushed presentation might actually work.

"Here are all the budget costs and figures..." Tom handed me a small folder of papers, "...all that's left to do is sort out the projector and guest lists" he said.

"I have the guest list covered don't worry about that, everything else has been taken cared of so just focus on your presentation and we'll cover the rest" the older man spoke.

"Great, well I appreciate your help at such short notice..." Tom shook everyone's hands as they got up.

"Yes thank you very much for your contributions and I hope we'll be able to work with each other again in the future" I smiled and shook everyone's hand before they left.

"Erm, excuse me sir" a young technician boy ran in front of us as we were about to exist the stage, "...I have some example slides in the projector now, would you mind telling me how you want them to be set up for tomorrow?" 

"Why yes of course, I was about to come up and see you!" Tom laughed enthusiastically at the nervous boy. 

"Thank you sir, give me a moment to run up to the projector room and use this radio to tell me..." he handed Tom a walkie talkie and ran off the stage.

Tom turned to face the the projector screen and stood only a few steps away from the edge of the stage, "You know I recon it's too small, it needs to be bigger..." 

"It seems fine to me..." I tried to reassure him as the image was projected onto the screen.

"Just a bit bigger..." he spoke through the radio taking a step back and making me look worryingly towards his feet.

"Erm, Tom be careful!" I shouted as he took yet another step back and began trying to balance himself out on the ledge. 

"Tom!" I cried and just like that I saw his heel get caught in the ledge making him fly backwards towards the floor.

"Shit!" I saw some of the tech boys rush towards him as I threw the papers on the table and quickly jumped down the stairs to see him sitting with his legs bent under his chest massaging his left ankle.

"Did you break anything?" I crouched down beside him.

"It doesn't look like it..." he chuckled at my question, "...but I think I may have pulled a muscle?" he smiled though his eyes were weary.

"Try getting up and walking..." I suggested as the tech boys gently pulled him up and lent him against the stage, "...just try putting pressure on it". 

He stepped on it and winched immediately but before I could tell him to stop he tried again and this time seemed to manage a hobble on his left foot.

"Thank god it isn't broken..." I blurted out in relief, "...erm, listen Tom we need to get back to prepare anyway how about I call Luke to pick us up and you can leave your car here?" 

"No, I can drive it's fine..." he began hobbling back towards me, "...please let me drive you back". 

"I really don't think that's a good idea right now, just let me call Luk-" I tried to finish.

"He's out with Emma in downtown London right now, there's no need to disrupt his schedule...I'm fine to drive" he dug inside his trouser pocket and pulled out his keys. 

"If you insist..." I said wondering if we would plummet to our deaths.

"Erm, would you mind if we made a quick stop back at my house first?" he asked innocently as his blue eyes gleamed.

"I erm..." I stuttered.

"It's just to put some spray on my ankle and also give you a few more notes that might help you with the presentation tomorrow..." he could tell I was hesitant. 

"Okay" I nodded and wondered how many women would have accepted this offer in a heartbeat.

***

"Forgive the messiness..." he smiled shyly as I walked into his home, "...I erm, will just be a few minutes" he closed the door and hobbled passed me upstairs.

I would have asked if he needed help but that might have seemed too desperate, too needy maybe? I wasn't sure anymore. All I knew was that I came from not wanting to see him at all to now standing in the middle of his house. Oh lord, how did it get to this? I put my bag and folder on the kitchen counter and took notice of the marble counter top sprawled with small pieces of salad and fruit, it wasn't hard to know he liked to stay healthy. The house had a classic British homely feel about it fused with a more modern layout hence the kitchen being the first room you enter when you get through the door, I walked passed the counter and came directly into the living area which was small and just the right size for a bachelor or perhaps a couple. My heart sank as my eyes cascaded over the charming fireplace, comfy sofa and flat screen TV all situated perfectly for a romantic night, I wondered how many women he had already had on that sofa.

Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz

I ignored my phone and turned left walking passed the stairs and into a small dining area which seemed to be untouched judging from the amount of dust on the table. Turning to my right I surprisingly noticed pushed up against the wall a gorgeous Yamaha piano which from brushing off the dust on the keys clearly also has been untouched for good while. I sat down and felt my heart race with excitement as forgotten memories of piano classes popped into my head playfully, how I missed playing piano or I should I say how I missed playing the only three songs I had ever learnt as a child.

"Da dum dum" I hummed pressing the keys in unison. I flinched at how beautiful the sound was as I flung my hand away wondering if he would mind, though from the sound of him rummaging around upstairs I doubted he would even hear me.

"Da dum dum, dum dum dum..." I felt the familiar tune come back to me as my fingers seemed to glide themselves to the much loved Claire de Lune, it had always been my favorite piece to play and even now I felt myself fall deep within the music. I closed my eyes and hummed along to the tune as I filled the room with the faint exquisite music of a haunted dream I shared every night. I played for a long while until my body seemed to sense I was no longer alone in the room, I stopped half way through and turned around startled by Tom just staring at me.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, I shouldn't hav-" I tried to explain.

"No no it's fine please, I'm sorry for disturbing you" his apology seemed sincere as he approached me.

"Please sit back down, I erm wish I could play as beautifully as you..." I budged up so he could sit beside me.

"I'm sure you can" I smiled looking at the piano keys embarrassed.

"Oh no honestly, I can't...I think my fingers just aren't made for playing piano..." he held them out towards me, "...see?"

"Hm, they look perfect..." I suddenly caught his eye, "...perfectly fine to me" I focused back to his hands, "...here, it's easy really. You just close your eyes and let your fingers do the work" I wiggled my fingers around. 

"But surely you need to see what keys your pressing?" his puzzled face couldn't have been more adorable.

"Yes, and no..." I giggled at his frown, "...sometimes it's more than seeing, sometimes it's all about feeling"

"How do you feel music?" he placed his hands on the keys.

"Well first place your fingers like this..." I moved his fingers to the correct keys, "...and we're just going to press these three keys here, da dum dum, da da dam" 

"Like this?" he pressed the keys perfectly and seemed to be pleased at my encouraging nod. 

"Yes, but now close your eyes and do it..." I said as he closed his eyes and pressed the keys. 

"Now do it again but keep your hands on the keys and relax your fingers..." I asked and as he pressed in the three keys I placed my fingers on top of his and played the rest of the notes.

"Ehehe" he giggled at first but as we continued playing he became quieter, almost at peace. 

"Can you feel it now?" I whispered letting go of his hand.

"Yes, I can..." he whispered back, "...I erm, actually feel a lot" he opened his eyes and starred directly at me. 

Only then did I notice how dangerously close we were sitting, only then when I felt myself drowning in his eyes did I realize how fast my heart was racing.

"I want to say it's the music that surges through the heart but now I'm quiet sure it's something else..." he lent in closer as the pull of his body seemed to draw me in like a powerful magnet, my heart was ready to explode as everything I told myself not to do was completely erased from my mind.

"I..." was all I managed to say as our faces lingered closer to each other and his lips softly brushed mine.

Ding Dong. 

"Tom!"

I jumped at the noise and lent back quickly, he seemed disorientated at first but then got up instantly seeming to understand the situation.

"Open the door Tom!" I heard him make his way to the door and open it.

"Why haven't you been answering my calls all day you know we're meant to be meeting..." I stood up and walked towards the kitchen counter to see the commotion.

"Oh I see..." the blonde haired woman stood with her arms crossed showing off a familiar pout in her designer dress.

"Rose this is Elizabeth, Elizabeth this is Rose" Tom looked at me quickly before glancing back to the floor.

"The charity girl right?" her comment seemed to have put me back in my rightful place.

"haha, yes, that's me" I looked at Tom feeling like a victim, a play thing, a toy, "...just your good old charity girl!"

"Well sorry to break up this nice litt-" I didn't let her finish.

"I was just on my way out" I blurted nonchalantly and grabbed my bag and folder on the counter. 

"Rose" I heard him say as I made my way through the door biting back the stupid idiotic tears I so shamelessly wanted to shed.

"See you tomorrow Mr. Hiddleston" I said through gritted teeth and slammed the door behind me.


	6. One last kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends, thank you for your kind comments on the last chapter! Yes, there is some drama in the air but as promised Rose does finally get kissed. Next chapter the sexual tension continues as things may get a bit NSFW folks but will Tom be able to stick to his word and not fall back to being a bad boy again? And will it be Lizzy or Jessica this time? ;)

“FUCK THIS!” I yelled loudly as I slammed the door shut and walked out into the morning drizzle. 

The event didn’t start till 10.00 am yet here I was lingering around the streets at 8 in the morning trying to find safe shelter like some kind of lost mongrel dog. It probably wasn’t the smartest idea leaving Emma's apartment at this hour but I couldn’t stand lying in bed regurgitating yesterday’s images in my brain anymore, I needed to get out, walk it off, clear my head. I walked briskly shoving my cold hands in my pockets and peered down at the puddles reflecting off the black clouds, it was clear London was obviously mocking my emotions with the grey backdrop of people's umbrella's passing by and the slow drizzle dripping off my face. 

"Papers, get your papers here!" I heard the voice coming from the newspaper stall in front of me and decided to make a quick stop.

"Just the local please" I handed him a pound coin and stood to the side trying to shelter myself from the rain beneath the small stall roof. 

"Look's like it's gonna be a wet one today love!" the stall owner tried to dabble in chit-chat before handing me a newspaper.

"Yes, it does...welcome to London hey!" I tried to force a smile and was glad he didn't mind me stealing some coverage from the downpour.

Unfolding the newspaper I began scanning the front page for any news of the Gala as I wanted some perspective on how global this event would actually be. If it did get the attention it deserved it would be more fulfilling than any other award or position I could ever win and rid me of the one thing I both equally loved and hated right now, Tom. Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom...

"What!" my voice shrieked a few decibels higher as my fingers tore through the edges of the second page.

"Everything alright there miss?" the owner asked though I couldn't answer. 

I felt my chest restrict as I held my breath and didn't dare blink in case the pictures in front of me somehow disintegrated from the sprays of water ricocheting above. "Elizabeth Olsen and Tom Hiddleston confirm romance" was sprawled across the page in a lengthy full coverage story plastered with a variety of different poses where Tom and Elizabeth are sitting together laughing in a taxi. No doubt they found my foolishness hilarious as I stood blurry eyed analyzing each photograph like a poorly paid detective yet there was no denying these photographs were real as their attire was the same as yesterdays.

"Miss, miss?" the owner gently nudged my shoulder as I snapped back to reality and tossed away the paper, "...are you going to be alright?"

"Yes!" I tried to hold back the tears, "...I will, I have to be" 

***

"There you are!" I felt a tug to my bag as I turned around to face a member of staff, "...we couldn't get in contact with you!" she yelled.

"I'm sorry, my battery must have died-" I lied.

"Yes yes, well you're here now and are literally about to go on so please get behind that stage curtain NOW!" she cried flustering her hands around clearly stressed.

I was shoved up the stage stairs where a thick black curtain draped down as I slowly made my way towards the center carefully clinging onto the material before the light seeping through a small slit exposed a lone figure leaning down to peer at his notes. I recognized Tom instantly with his glasses and blonde curls combed back making him look more than just presentable, he wore a v-neck white shirt and pale grey suit jacket over it with matching trousers that made his legs seem to go on forever. 

"I thought you wouldn't come" Tom murmured as he looked up in my direction.

"And why would I have done that?" I stopped near to him as tears soaked my eyes. 

"I...well Luke said you declined his offer-"

"Yes. I did decline the offer, but that was only because I didn't want to disturb him, you know rig him of his out of hours responsibilities..."

"Emma didn't know where-"

"Emma is not my mother Mr. Hiddleston!"

"Rose-"

"I would appreciate it if we went back to formalities Mr. Hiddleston-"

"I don't understand-" 

"Excuse me if I'm not being clear but the project is ALL I care about, so forgive me for feeling patronized but please do not insult my integrity by thinking I would just abandon the project-"

"Ladies and Gentleman" our heated discussion was interrupted by the announcer on stage, "...please give a round of applause to Rose Steel and Tom Hiddleston!"

We stepped out with faces pale and immediately ran to stand on opposite sides of the stage to wave at the crowd as the announcer handed us cordless microphones. It wasn't until Tom smiled that I knew what they said was true, Tom was an incredible actor and he seemed to be putting his acting skills to use as he charmed away barely noticing the seven cameras and lights being pointed at our faces whilst I stood watching him with eyes full of death and a body so tense I must of looked like a piece of ply wood Tom was about to use as a test example. Not only did he present with such passion and vigor, but he chatted and interacted so well with both the audiences at the event and at home that he created a fresh surge of phone calls and donations. It wasn't until he prodded me with a wooden replica that I realized it was my turn but to my relief his acting persona seemed to be rubbing off me as I too was successful in delivering the rest of the presentation and managed to stay charismatic all the way through until I saw her.

"Thank you once again for listening to us and of course for those here and at home please remember that even the smallest of donations counts..." my eyes followed as she stood at the back of the room tapping her foot and glancing down at her watch, "...I'm afraid we must say goodbye now but I'm sure if you want to get in contact with us again that won't be hard, after all this IS Tom Hiddleston, and I..." she snapped her head up to lock eyes with me, "...you can call me charity girl if you'd like, every one else seems to"

***

I barged out of the event right before the afternoon party was about to begin and ran as fast as I could down the road, down any road to try and get away from the venue as my creative mind painted cruel pictures in my head of Tom parading the Olsen around like a prized trophy. I must of ran for miles pausing every now and then to turn around and see if my imagination would come to life and show me the image of Tom running after me or calling out for me to come back but no, every turn gave me nothing but false promises. Feeling disturbingly light headed I slumped on the nearest wooden beach and pulled out my phone to send a quick message to Emma telling her I would be home late tonight though in truth I probably wouldn't be home at all. I wanted to forget everything, that's all I ever wanted to do yet now he was back in my life I felt even more drawn to the sides of him I missed more and more each day, I needed to accept that he wasn't mine anymore but it was so hard. 

"Get out of our way grandma!" a rowdy teenagers voice from across the street caught my attention as I turned to face a night club just opening for business. I saw a scattered group of people entering into the doors dressed in skimpy outfits and looked up to see the ultraviolet green and blue LCD lights calling me in, it knew I wanted to loose my mind and right now this seemed like the next best thing to forgetting. I crossed the street and ran inside ignoring the teenagers and budging through a large group of indie folk staring at my work dress attire as I walked onto the dance floor watching it fill with a suffocating smoke covering everyone's appearance like a misty blanket. Before I knew it the music had started playing and the floor was jammed with people pushing and rubbing up against my body, I raised my arms to the ceiling and moved in motion with the crowd as we swayed in and out of each other trying to loose ourselves in the melody.

Hours and hours I spent in there dancing, crying and drinking as much as I could yet still he lingered in my thoughts, haunting me. I thought I saw him a couple of times actually just peering into the crowd but by that point I had already drunken around six glasses of whiskey so anything could be possible.

"Rose!" I felt I was truly going mental now as I could hear him in my mind, "...Rose over here!" I turned towards the steps but saw nothing.

"Rose do you how know long I've been trying to find you!" he held onto my shoulders though I knew this wasn't real, was it?

"You were looking for me?" my speech was slurred as I tried to focus though when I re-opened my eyes he was carrying me out of the club.

"No! Let go of me!" he held onto me tight as I hung slumped over his shoulder punching at his back, "...let me go!" I screamed before blacking out and waking up again on his sofa.

"TOM!" I screamed as I stood up a little too quickly making my head spin. 

"Oh, so now we're back to first names are we?" his voice was smug as I lent on the sofa and saw him pouring me a glass of water, "...drink this"

"No" I forcefully said.

"Okay, let's try that again...you ought to drink this before you puke all over my sofa" he handed me the glass again.

"I said NO!" I slapped his hand away and gripped onto the kitchen counter to feel my way to the front door.

"If you think you're in any state of mind to leave here now-" he slammed the glass on the counter top and came round to face me.

"I'd rather sleep on the road than sleep here!" I yelled feeling the satisfaction of hurting him feed my rage.

"You know you're rather unruly when you've had a few you know that!" he shouted halting my exist with his body.

"Get out of my face..." I looked up at him still dizzy from the alcohol, "...NOW!" I screamed but he still wouldn't budge.

"Look..." he raised his hands up in surrender, "...can we just talk about it calmly, you and I can both sit down-" his voice was soft.

"What part of no and get out of my face don't you understand!" I shouted at him this time taking my hands off the counter and almost toppling over.

"Fine have it your way I don't bloody care anymore!" he crossed him arms and walked to the front door. 

"Yeah, you've never cared..." I mumbled taking a few more steps towards the end.

"What did you say?" he looked agitated, "...I don't care?" he stepped closer to me, "...then explain why I have been out searching for you since noon?"

"Stop using your gentleman's card Tom-" I taunted. 

"Gentleman's card? Do you think I would have just not noticed you rush out the doors?" he yelled.

"So what, you don't always have to be Prince Charming you know, I needed to get out-" he interrupted me.

"Why?" he asked rubbing his neck vigorously.

"You! I needed to get away from you alright!" I stepped right up to his face showing I was serious, "...your influence, your reputation doesn't dwell kindly on my mind-"

"Are you worried about the press, I assure you Luke is on that he will make sure nothing negative comes out-" he lowered his voice slightly trying to reconcile.

"You mean like yesterday?" I sneered making him look down in guilt. 

"...you saw that? I contacted Luke already, he is making sure that doesn't interfere with our project-" he explained.

"Okay" I felt hopeless knowing he only associated me with our project now. 

"Okay?" he seemed confused "... I may be just an actor but I'm not immune to human emotion, we're sorting this out now Rose!"

"Why? Because you care about me, is that it?" I threatened him with a glare.

"...as a matter of fact it is, yes" his demeanor was calm and his face annoying innocent.

"Oh stop with your bullshit Tom-" I taunted him once more.

"Why is everything I say bullshit to you?" he asked back in a irritated tone.

"Because your Tom Hiddleston that's why! Your Tom fucking Hiddleston, the man who just has to look at a girl and he's sure to fuck her the same night!" I yelled in rage.

"Excuse me?" he put his hands on his hips.

"Come on Tom, don't tell me you haven't already fucked the Olsen?" I stared at the front door not really wanting to know the answer.

"No I haven't and if you must know I won't be fucking her any time soon!" he shouted back at me. 

"Awh why is she too pretty for you? She's not common like me is she, your fucking charity girl-" he didn't let me finish.

"It's because your so goddamn normal that I'm attracted to you Rose can't you see that!" he shouted making us fall silent for a few seconds just staring at one another.

"Do me a favor Tom, I don't believe a word of poison that comes out your mouth anymore-" I began to make my way to the door again. 

"Well if you don't believe me I guess I'm just going to have to show you" 

It felt like a second had past from the last word that left his mouth to feeling his cold hand grab my neck and smash his lips onto mine in a passionate rage, I tried to push him away but I knew I had already lost the battle between heart and head when my fists withheld from pounding his chest anymore. With each moment I wasted trying to convince myself I could no longer trust him his kisses turned deeper and deeper while my body warmed to his touch and arms began pulling him in at their accord. I felt his breathing turned ragged as his kisses became not slower or calmer but desperate making every anticipatory breath we needed before our lips touched again pure torture, he turned us around quickly in the struggle before I felt my back hit the front door hard and pulled away to bite back a moan.

Ding Dong, Ding Dong

He pulled away as we unlocked arms, "...I might have called Emma" he said against my ear before stealing one last kiss.


	7. Make love to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Chapter Woop Woop! A tad NSFW near the end but next chapter things are gonna get hot! *wink wink. It seems as though Tom is living up to his gentleman card so far, but is all as it seems? Find out next chapter when we get a surprise from Tom's old loves ;) 
> 
> And just want to take the time to thank ma gurls, Neo and Kristina for your constant comments and following of my fic! It means the world so thank you *hugs, and also to my bestie Maria who takes the time to encourage and read through everything to find those little errors I overlook! xxx

“So?” Emma raised an eyebrow while handing me a much welcomed mug of hot tea.

“So…what?” I smirked.

“Erm, are we really going to play this game?” her voice rose an octave higher.

“What game!” I tried to sound innocent.

“The fact that you were overly intoxicated?” she slammed her mug on the coffee table.

“What’s so weird about that, people get drunk all the time?” I shrugged.

“You aren’t seriously going to brush me off are you!” she crossed her arms.

“Em! Okay, so I was drunk and Tom just happened to pick me up?” I cried.

“Rosey he was calling me since you left the Gala, why did you leave?” she asked annoyed.

“I erm, well you know I’m not good at these things. I get anxious and there were so many people there I couldn’t take it?” I somewhat lied.

“Okay I get that…” she nodded, “…but why did he find you in some hipster club totally drunk off your ass?” she questioned.

“I…I don’t know to be honest, I just felt overwhelmed and needed to clear my head!” I looked at her for sympathy.

“Why didn’t you call me? When I got your text I was so worried, Tom drove round the entire town looking for you!” she yelled and pulled me in for a hug.

“I’m sorry, I just had a lot on my mind. It won’t happen again…” I squeezed her tight before we let go.

“Just promise to call me next time, I almost rang the police…” she smiled, “…anyways now I'm done interrogating you have you seen how much money you brought in?” 

“Jesus!” I screamed as she hovered her phone in front of my face, “…is this a joke?” 

“No! Almost fifty thousand pounds!” she cried while jumping off the sofa.

“My god! I can’t believe it, this is amazing!” I screamed and stood up to pace the room in excitement.

“This means you have enough money to go to South East Asia and build the schools you wanted, this is so amazing, the news has been all over Unicef today!” she smiled joyfully.

“Does Tom know?” I asked.

“Yes, he messaged me just now actually, he said he’s been calling you..." she trailed as she walked to my bag and threw my mobile at me.

"Five missed calls..." I muttered, "...maybe I should call him back?"

"No need!" Emma turned around cheerfully, "...Luke will pick you up around six and no you can't protest, I already said you didn't have plans!" she winked as the faint memory of his lips crossed my mind and I wished time would speed up.

***

"Tom told me he'd be late and that you should make yourself at home" Luke ushered me into the house while trying to avoid as much eye contact with me as possible.

"Oh, okay, did he say-" yet again I was met by impeccable manners as the door slammed shut and Luke was no where to be seen, I could tell he liked me.

I let out a long sigh and was about to walk over to the piano sitting solemnly at the back of the dining area when my eyes caught sight of the doorway to the stairwell and wondered what exactly was hiding upstairs? Of course I quickly disregarded this annoying thought and scowled at how ridiculous it was to go lurking around a person's house without their permission yet, the longer I lent on the sofa and tried hard to distract my mind from counting every passing minute until his arrival the more dangerously tempting the curious thought became. In about three seconds I had convinced myself that saying I didn't know where the toilet was counted as a legitimate excuse and was already half way upstairs before stopping at the top and looking around. There were two rooms opposite each other both with their doors closed and one room in the middle with it's door slightly ajar, I approached it and peered inside to see what looked like a book case. Opening the door and stepping in I realized the large Victorian style desk sitting beneath the window and the array of bookcases covering the remaining walls meant this was probably Tom's study. I walked closer to the desk and saw papers covering the entirety of it as I picked one up and sat down on the piano like stool appreciating how beautiful his handwriting was in the evening light. "Such a mess you are..." I muttered before compiling the papers into one neat stack and looked up at the window sill.

He had a variety of random objects lined up in formation though judging by the thick layer of dust covering them it wasn't hard to tell of their neglect. To the left were three leather bound volumes of Shakespeare's classical works, a golden crown, a small Loki figurine and a tall glass vase with what looked like dried roses inside except there was something small at the bottom. I stood up and lent in closer to get a better look before my eyes widened and my mouth dropped in amazement, it couldn't be could it? I grabbed the vase immediately and felt the roses crumble in my fingertips as I tilted the vase upside down and watched the small object drop to the desk with a small plunk. Putting the vase down I sat wide eyed glaring at the object before picking it up and twirling it in my hand, "...after all this time" I whispered as tears clouded my vision from the rose colored shell sitting in my palm. I slammed my eyes shut and squeezed the shell so tightly around my hand it felt like the rough edges were piercing my skin, I didn't want to drown out the memories anymore. If I wasn't worth a place in his memory, if I meant nothing to him then surely he wouldn't have kept this? I wanted to ask him straight, ask him whether he still thought of that girl he pulled out from the wreckage or whether she still crossed his mind from time to time when his arms were wrapped lovingly around another woman? Jessica, Elizabeth, was I just another commodity to add to the long list?

"Rose?" I forced my eyes open as hot tears drained down my cheeks and my hands shook anxiously at the sound of the front door closing. I frantically placed everything back to its rightful place and wiped my face clean before zooming out of the room and slowly tip-toeing downstairs. 

"Tom?" I called to him as I warily stepped out of the doorway and saw him placing a bag on the kitchen counter.

"There you are, where have you been?" he ran his fingers through his hair before smiling widely at me. 

"Oh just, back here looking out the window..." I laughed feeling an overwhelming joy fill my heart at the sight of him.

"That's strange I just looked there?" he frowned.

"Did I mention I am extremely talented in the art of camouflage?" I smiled nervously. 

"I'm sorry I'm late..." he looked towards the bag.

"No it's fine please don't apologize" I said feeling thankful the conversation had diverted.

"I erm, thought I'd make it up..." he reached inside the bag and pulled out a packet of spaghetti, "...by cooking for us, if you want to have dinner with me that is?" he scrunched up his mouth in the most adorable pout I had only ever witnessed on babies before rubbing his free hand over his neck.

"Yes! I'd love to..." I spoke a little too eagerly before covering the redness of my cheeks behind my hair. 

"Great, but you'll have to forgive me in advance as this is only my third attempt..." he chuckled and moved around the counter to get out some pots from the cabinet.

"Really?" I perched myself on the sofa arm and watched him pour water into the pot, "...when was the first time?" 

"The first time was with my sister, she was the one teaching me actually..." he placed the pot on the stove and seemed to think back to that fond memory.

"And the second?" I lingered trying to pry some dark secret from him.

"I think I made it when Kenneth Branagh came round once..." he got out the chopping board and began washing the tomatoes. 

"Wow, I feel honored..." I smiled cheekily and got up to lean on the counter top, "...you don't usually cook for other occasions then?" 

"Other occasions?" he looked at me confused.

"Well, I don't know like for family, friends...girlfriends?" I said hoping he wouldn't hear how I cringed at the last word.

"No, now that I think about it I have never cooked for a girlfriend..." he smiled throwing the spaghetti into the pot.

"Not even for Jessica or...Lizzy?" I turned away not believing the immature things leaving my mouth as he approached me.

"They were never my girlfriends Rose..." he muttered softly and swiped a piece of hair behind my ear, "...now will you help me open the wine?" he winked.

***

We sat down on the sofa with a plate of spaghetti each in our hands as he carefully poured the red wine and turned on the radio softly. We spent the next hour eating and talking excitedly about how incredibly proud we were at the success of the project while Tom became extremely animated about which countries we should go to and how many schools and medical centers should be set up in each of the rural areas. He seemed even more enthralled than me at times as his talk about press involvement distracted my mind from the questions I so desperately needed to ask, instead the wine surged through our bodies as I stared quietly at how amazingly humble this man still seemed to be.

"You know I really have to thank you again for such a delicious meal, you really are a jack of all trades you know that" I winked at him playfully feeling the alcohol buzzing through my veins.

"Oh please your making me blush, I'm so glad you enjoyed it!" he expressed joyfully taking another sip of wine.

"But now I am completely stuffed and it's all your fault, I told you seconds were a bad idea!" I laughed as he looked at me bewildered.

"If I remember correctly you were the one who suggested we go for seconds!" he laughed as our knees brushed against each other sending tingles up my spine.

"Well you should have stopped me! Look at the state of me now I look like a whale about to burst!" I held onto my stomach.

"Of course you don't, you look perfect..." he stared at me for a little longer than usual as he played with the empty glass in his hand.

"I think the wine's getting to you..." I looked down shyly hearing him disagree as a comfortable silence fell between us. 

"I know just the thing!" he jumped up enthusiastically to increase the volume on the radio, "...shall we?" he held out his hand.

"Dance? You know I might puke all over you right?" I smiled as he shook his head and started wiggling his hips to the beat, "...Tom I can't!" I laughed as he forced me up and maneuvered me around the back of the sofa.

"Twirl, there you go!" he encouraged as I laughed uncontrollably. 

"If you value your shirt you'd best stay away from me Tom!" I giggled as he spun me around even more.

"Puke go ahead, who cares! Now show me your best moves!" he smirked while showing off his impressive robot dance moves.

"Okay okay, you asked for it!" I taunted raising up my arms and shimmying towards him.

"Not bad..." he said and moved to shimmy next to me before he reached for my arms and swept his hands down the sides of my body to my waist, "...now the finale!"

In a burst of energy he jumped in front of me and danced so carefree and confidently I almost missed the infamously adorable chuckle he would excerpt every now and then when his socks would slip up on the smooth floorboards. His laughter filled the air and blinded me like a kaleidoscope of rainbow tinted spray as time seemed to suddenly stop and like the finger of a clock, his shadow came to me. The melody seemed to slow as he pulled me in closer and placed my hands around his neck, we danced on the spot for a while before his hands crept up the middle of my spine and his eyes like stars led me towards the center of the floor. The closer our faces became the harder it was to focus as his fingers drew circles around my skin and my body felt like a strained harp-string ready to snap at another touch.

"Tom?" I whispered while biting my lip to subside the longing of his every anticipatory breathe against my neck.

"Hm?" his brows furrowed slightly.

"Do you sometimes think about..." I lingered as his mouth moved closer to my ear, "...the...past?".

"...sometimes" his deep voice dropped to a mere whisper.

"Do you remember...anything as a boy?" I felt restless as his hot breath made my skin shiver, I needed to concentrate.

"I have many fond memories, as well as those...not so fond" he pressed his forehead against mine as his fingers teased my hair, "...why do you ask?".

"I...I..." he pulled away to look at me, "...you once said I reminded you of someone?" I confessed as he closed his eyes and kissed my cheek softly.

"Yes..." he moved his mouth lower to kiss my chin, "...she was a beautiful girl, with a beautiful soul".

"But what if..." I could feel my body begin to answer to his actions as he kissed the corner of my fragile smile, "...what if I'm-".

He kissed me slowly, so painfully slowly until I hesitated no longer and let his eager, relentless and unmerciful mouth drink me like cold water to thirsty lips. I couldn't resist him, he was like poison in my blood attacking at every cell until my weary heart was left faint for rest. I couldn't fight with myself any longer, I wanted him, I wanted and needed him since the day he left me but could I give myself to him fully without him knowing who I truly was? At this point I didn't care, all I wanted was to feel was his skin on my skin, his bones on my bones yet as he pushed me up against the wall I felt nervous, would this be just another notch in his belt?

"Tom, Tom!" I cried as I pushed him from me still starry eyed.

"I...I'm...forgive m-" he stuttered.

"No, it's...I'm just..." I hesitated still panting from our passionate exchange.

"Rose, I just, when I'm around you I can't help myself anymore. I'm sorry, you just, I feel like I know you-" he hurriedly explained.

"Make love to me..." I blurted out, "...make love to me" I watched as his stunned expression turned into one of hunger and he carried me up the stairs.


End file.
